Post Thanksgiving Funk

Last week I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to visit my training host family and Malang and to enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at Consulate General Kristen Bower's home. The weekend was lovely. I was thankful for my Malang host family (and their love for my single serving apple pies) and all the PCV friends that I got to feast with. All in all not a bad Thanksgiving weekend.

 

As the weekend drew to a close, however, I found myself reluctant to return to site. I was sorely temped to stay another night, but the cost associated with such a decision did bring me to my senses. So with a pessimistic attitude I boarded the bus Sunday afternoon. Since arriving back home I have found myself in a lethargic state. I am calling it my Post Thanksgiving Funk.

 

Throughout my service so far, I have found myself happy almost all of the time. Sure there was initial adjustment to site and the homesickness than followed, but at no time have I actually found myself reluctant to do much of anything fore more than a day or two at a time. I think that this prolonged funk can be attributed to the holiday season and the real lack of festivity surrounding me. Sure I have been watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music, but it feels out of place. My subconscious still thinks it is June and it isn't even ready for Christmas in  July.

 

This mood has effected my motivation do things. This week I have found myself lesson planning while half sleeping in the mornings and reluctant to do anything social after school. Fortunately my lesson plans have worked out pretty well, but this is only because we are in our final weeks of classes and we have begun reviewing for the final. I am therefore not teaching much of anything at the moment. I have also been able to get myself out for volleyball, which is good. At least I am not held up in my bedroom for those two hours.

 

Because of a mixture of moodiness and my journey to Malang and Surabaya, my 30 day challenge has only had a good start. I got myself out of the house on only one occasion so far. I will need to remedy this in the remaining 2.5 weeks. Hopefully I will be able to shake the funk and really be in the moment here before Christmas.

 

The good news is that I have not handled this bout of homesickness the way I had previously. Before I 

would take any sign of sickness and secretly hope that it would enough to get me medivaced (sent back to DC) for just a couple of weeks. PC policy is that if you return to full health within 40 days of being in DC then you are allowed to return to site. It is pretty ridiculous that that was a regular day dream for about two or three months, but you do what you can to survive.

 

Now I just see myself muddling through the funk here, where my home is now and will be fore the next year and a half. I have no desire to leave, I just want to have a Christmas that feels like Christmas. There is no need to worry though. In just 2.5 weeks I will be off to the Philippines and although it is still hot there, it is filled with family. I can't think of anything better to throw off the funk, although I do hope that I can shake it before I get there. I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season. Have a peppermint mocha for me from Starbucks (they cost as much as a Pizza Hut pizza here!). I will continue to watch Christmas movies, listen to music, and maybe I will find my way out of the fog in another day or two.

The 30 day Community Challenge

Exactly one month from today I will be leaving my community for a couple of weeks and I will head off to the Philippines to spend my holidays with my family. By that time I will have surpassed the six month mark at site by three days and a quarter of my service at site will be gone; only 3/4 left. As I indicated yesterday, overall  I am very happy with my progress here at site, but the one area I still feel needs improvement.

Community integration has been a difficult area for me. I am hesitant to stop and talk to people (usually because I am whizzing by them on a bike), and therefore people know that I am here, but they don't know why. I have also been dreadful with names because I was always embarrassed the second or third time I met a person to ask them their name again and how can you say that you know someone if you can't even remember their name? In general I have let my fear of what others are thinking (although they will think it anyway), my novice grasp of the language, and my desire to not attract too much attention get the better of me. Although I am happy with my progress overall, it is time to shed my fears and just go for it.

In an attempt to face my final integration frontier head on I have devised a 30 day challenge for myself. Recently I have seen several people participating in various 30 day challenges and I feel that it is time for me to get my own on. As I stated before I am in my fifth month at site. Although adaption is an ongoing process and I know that I will still encounter unfamiliar situations long after six months, the quarter mark at service is a decent benchmark for familiarizing and observing to lessen and for action to start. I want to make sure that I have done all I can before I hit this mark, so I am committing to get out into the community more over the next month.

For this challenge I have identified three days a week which currently lack scheduled plans during a chunk of the day; Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday. On these days I am committing to taking a walk (not a bike ride) and stopping in at anyone's house who invites me in. I will also commit to keeping a journal of all of my encounters so that I can better remember the people I speak with. On top of that, I expect that this challenge will give me some blogging material. Its time start relationships!

Today was a great kick off to this challenge. I went to the home of a church member who has been asking me to come by for a couple of months and I also stopped by a small house compound of sorts where three sisters live. Both excursions were long overdo, but they were a good way to get my feet wet. These were people I was familiar with and who had asked me to stop by on previous occasions. To my surprise the conversations flowed fairly effortlessly. I tried to do a better job of explaining why I was here, I answered some questions, and then I asked a few questions of my own. All in all a very successful day 1.

So here is getting out more and have no PC regrets about community integration!

Photo of the Day

My niece, Putri, and nephew, Akbar, blowing bubbles.

Trajectory

Somehow it is already mid/ the end of November, and I don't really know where the time went. In the last month a couple big PC things took place. During the last two weeks of October I traveled to Surabaya for our In Service Training (IST) and just this past week I had my site visit with a Peace Corps staff person. Although there are still more to come, it does seem like a majority of the major PC benchmarks have passed us by. A lot of this has to do with the fact that the office is much more hands on with you during the beginning of your service, but still time is flying by.

There isn't a whole lot of specifics to report on IST. I had a great time living in a hotel for two weeks with 26 other great American friends. It gave me the opportunity to get to know some of the volunteers that I  wasn't close to during PST (literally because of distance) and we were able to enjoy the comforts of western living for a bit. Its not like we are living in mud huts or without running water, but my house does lack a hot shower, sitting toilet, and actually something as basic as a sink. Movie theaters, malls, and Italian food are also a very nice treat.

Contrary to my host family's belief though, this was no vacation. We spent hours a day sitting in a conference room talking about our experience sand absorbing new information. Information, which I am pleased to report, that has been very helpful since returning to site. All in all, good times!

I think that the best  benefit of IST had little to do with being in Surabaya though. In fact the biggest benefit was just being away from site. Sometimes you need to be missed for you and others to understand the changes that have been taking place. Being away for two weeks was a significant amount of time and one of three things happened during that time.

1. Its true what they say, when you are too close to something it is hard to see the changes. You don't always notice when a friend looses weight if you are around them everyday, but the second you look at an old picture it is all too obvious. Maybe my students were slowly opening up to me and gaining confidence in my teaching style and I just wasn't able to see it until I stepped away for two weeks.
    
2. While I was gone my students recognized the difference between my teaching style and the way other teachers teach. They realized that I am trying to make their learning experiences more interactive and that they are actually learning something during the silly games and songs.

3. It was a combination of 1 & 2 (the most likely explanation).

All I know is that since I  have returned to school, my students have been more engaged in their classroom activities than they had been before. They are now following directions within a minute of me giving them instead of staring at me, and now they are asking more questions and looking for approval. It is great!

So just a few days ago I had my first site visit. After the first one they aren't too scheduled, but they usually occur when someone from DC is visiting, when someone form Jakarta is visiting, or when an event is happening at the school. This first one though was just a check in. Aside from occationally getting overwhelmed with the number of things that people want me to do (usually teaching English) everything at my site has been going swimmingly.

My relationships with my CPs has steadily been growing stronger and we are even embarking on a major project to write our own English workbooks for next semester. We are getting better at lesson planning together and we have finally started English department meetings. Clear goals have been set for the remaining part of this semester, and it looks like we should be able to start off strong next semester.

Life in the community has also been going well. I continue to love everyday that passes with my large host family (8 adults in one four bedroom house). I have also joined a women's volleyball club team, so I get a more competitive (not college level, but not jv either) practice in twice a week. Its just good time for me to chill with some women and girls in the community.

I do recognize, however, that my forays into the community have been pretty limited. I am not great at using my free time to get out of the house and meet people. I hesitate oh too often because it is probably one of the hardest parts of the job. We are constantly being watched and called out at and to put myself out there and meet people in the community usually means times filled with awkward conversations and a pretty strong language barrier. This is something I need to get over though. Integrating myself into the community was my number one goal in becoming a PCV and so far I have avoided it like it is the plague. Once I make first contact things will be fine, but I just need to get up my courage and do it.

At seven months in country though, I am happy with my progress and my trajectory. Hopefully I'll stay on course and just gather more power along the way.